So, I'm at it again

Full disclosure....
This depression thing is really difficult. It's almost 1:30 AM as I'm writing this. I've been looking for work, trying  to re-brand myself, a total image makeover. Isn't it funny how we can really never be happy with ourselves? Well, maybe you are.

Re-invention. I've been scouring so many artist's gateways and networking sites it's tiring. I've gone to this website to get noticed. You know, put my name "out there." I almost feel like this kind of endeavor is like looking around in a cave that's pitch black. Have you ever been in one? I have. Nothing travels in there. The air is damp and musty. Guano can be everywhere. And I'm shouting at the top of my lungs just trying to get someone to notice. It's tiring. Then there's this one. It's for contract work for creatives. Gosh. Am I creative?

I've been in the construction industry for my entire adult working life. My father was a general contractor. He was a good, decent, God-fearing man who read his Bible every night before going to bed. He built a business by building homes. I worked with him first. There were days when I hated it. I wanted to be painting or drawing, or something. I felt like life was holding me back. Funny, I still find myself thinking that from time to time. Not sure what to do, who I am, what I was made for....

I miss my dad. Maybe I haven't had enough coffee.

The painting you see below is from a year previous. I've debated posting it because it was during a particularly low point when I was in the middle of a depressive episode and all I wanted to do was hide. Still not sure if sharing it will be beneficial to anybody. Someone who had seen it commented that it was "compelling."

Self-Portrait 2010

It's almost 2:00 AM. I'm going to bed.

10 Seconds to Obedience

The 10 Second Rule, by Clare Degraaf is an interesting read. Received it in the mail a couple of weeks back from our homeschooling curriculum company and it has challenge some assumptions I have had about following God's will. That's because I'm indecisive. And so in my indecision I really make a decision: "I'm not going to do anything." So, I've got this really long string of "do-nothings" to my credit that have made my account in my obedience chart a negative.  OK, OK. I know some members of my vast reading public, who are Christian, will read that and think, "This sounds like some works trip." (For those of you who don't know, works refers to this idea that a person can earn their salvation--it's like do good and get paid back eternal life)

Let me explain what I mean. Last night I was talking with friends about a passage in the Bible, in particular James' letter, chapter two.  "You see," he wrote, "a person is justified by works and not by faith alone." Now that's an interesting statement.

"Really, James. You don't mean that, do you?" I ask.

"Why wouldn't I mean that," he replies. "Isn't that what I wrote."

"Hmm..."

"Well, think about it this way." (Here's the part where my sanctified imagination kind of takes over) "You see, There was this harlot named Rahab. She didn't dilly-dally. When the spies left her apartment, she immediately put out that red chord outside her window. Don't you also think that the people who knew her--thinking about the prostitute thing, here--probably wondered what she was doing hanging a red chord out her window which happened to be on the outside of the city wall? She did. She was acting immediately because of this knowledge that something was about to happen and it would effect the rest of her life."

I thought, "Well, yeah. It did, didn't it?" The story goes that "chance" encounter with two spies altered the course of history. Jesus who was also called the Messiah was a direct descendant. Amazing. Amazing God.

The other thing is, faith and works go together like peanut butter & jelly, or chocolate and peanut butter, or bacon and eggs, or Starsky & Hutch, or...sorry out of similes. The idea is that of telios or completion. Think about Adam without Eve. Faith and Works are friends, true friends. Faith by itself is "useless" (ESV), or "dead" (KJV). It's not really faith at all, right?

But then some may ask, "Dave, What about the thief on the cross? He didn't 'do' anything. And according to your definition here, he didn't really have faith."

One answer is: he did have "works." And I believe that it is true because he did challenge the other thief on the cross (Luke 23:39-43). No matter the time and location faith has to have feet. So many of us forget that. I do, for sure. I very often choose to forget to love my wife--more than tell her, "I love you."

I'm understanding this more and more. I can say I believe in one thing and everything else I do screams more loudly that I don't really believe in that at all. Oh God, help me!

So, I guess what I'm trying to point out is that I need to be more "impulsive" in doing good for others. According to Graaf that is how you grow in obedience and faith at the same time.

Is that Me?

I forgotten where I've placed my keys before. Frustrating, because it usually happens when I'm in a hurry to get somewhere. Or, my children (most notably our toddler who is two now) takes my keys to play with them. Don't worry, it's not just my keys. No, no. It's my cell phone, loose change, our real phone, my wife's keys, or glasses, or that special pen that has to stay in my journal because if I don't have it I can't possibly put any thoughts on paper--the key to my sanity--oh, where was I? Yes, keys.

I couldn't remember my blog address this morning. Panic. I've got to write. My muse in nudging me. No problem. I'll Google my name. And there. For the first time I see the name of my blog on the top of a search list. Sweet.The internet is amazing. Now I think my blog has something to say. I am a voice in this digital community. I am Me.

Who am I? Steelie-Dave, Fly Fishing Guy.

Still don't know where my keys are though.

Not the reason I fly fish. Thought it was funny though.

Check this out

I like really good guitar music. Something about that acoustic axe in the hands of a professional is something else. These guys have got the stuff. Hope you enjoy.

The Dark Side

Ok.

I don't post as often as I would like. Truthfully, I have very little to say. But when the muse comes it seems that I can have diarrhea of the mouth. Or I can meander without any stringing together of any kind of thoughts (like that last sentence).

Now then, why would people want to share the deepest darkest sides of themselves on the internet for all to see? I can think of a couple of reasons off the top of my head. One of them is that they're lonely. These people spend a lot of time alone, they're perhaps unmarried, don't really feel like they contribute to life in their immediate reality. Perhaps that is what drives them to the internet.

Others really want to connect. They value other people. Or they miss friends from years ago. Social networks provide a great place to do that.

So, both have elements of loneliness. Both are attempts at connecting. Connecting. There is a contemporary word. It suggests being joined to something. Internet. People. God. Ideas, dreams, goals. We all have a need to connect, right.

I've learned and have come to believe that there are four very important areas we all need to connect. We need to connect to:

MYSELF--my thoughts, feelings, wants needs. Recognizing, owning, accepting what it is like to be me.
THE TRUTH--What is real. Beyond just my perspective, bigger than me. It's objective, can be seen by others.
SAFE OTHER--could be a spouse or a friend. But that "other" is available at this moment and vulnerable at this moment.
GOD--and here it is the fact that there can be relationship. God is always available. God is always vulnerable. What does that look like? As a Christian I see God's vulnerability in Jesus because Jesus came to love and was rejected by men. They hung him on a cross!

That's what I think about. I have also been thinking about shame and connectedness. Shame is this negative, sapping energy that many of us may feel sometimes crippling us so we give love or receive it. I know I do. I feel it a lot. I feel it because of a "disconnectedness" with those things above. Shame wants to hide, cover up, run away. All of those things I've done. Not vulnerable with others. I hide on the internet by creating a persona of what I want people to think about me, etc. Or perhaps life is too complicated. I didn't sign up for this. My marriage is far too difficult. My kids are disappointing me. It doesn't matter really. The fact is there is a disconnect somewhere. It's important for us to find it and fix it, or at least respond to it. Sometimes we can't fix it. How many of us try? We try to atone for wrongs we have committed--and that is definitely appropriate at times. Or we try to perform some penance that will assuage our consciences. But the truth is a clean conscience doesn't really occur until some sort approach occurs. Biblically, this begins with confession. A simple word meaning, "saying the same thing as."

There is good shame and bad shame. When we do real wrong we need to be ashamed. But we also need to go onto real absolution. Bad shame is when we seek someone's forgiveness and we don't receive it.

That makes me think again about the story of Adam's fall. He and the woman (that's how the Bible refers to her in the beginning). It was the cool of the morning when they (Adam and his wife) heard the sound of the LORD GOD in the garden and they hid themselves. Why? Because they did something that God had forbidden. Originally they were naked and not ashamed of their nakedness--some commentators point out was because they were "clothed" with innocence and the glory of God. When they sinned their eyes were opened and they hid themselves. From each other? Possibly. From God? Definitely. So they sewed some fig leave together to cover their "loins," to cover their nakedness. They had real shame. They sinned against God, with whom they were in relationship with. See, the point is they were disconnected from God and from each other. This is true in how we see Adam and his wife respond to God's inquiry, "Who told you that you were naked?" Adam blamed his wife (nothing much has changed about that) and the woman admitted that she was deceived by the serpent. The rest of the story accounts God's judgment of the man his wife and creation (you can read the full account in Genesis 2 and three). So that's why things are as they are, right? It's a bad world and we just have to get along with it.

Well, not so fast. You see, one very important detail is that God had to "fashion" skins to cover their nakedness. There are a couple of things to remember here. Adam's attempts to cover his nakedness, while sufficient for Adam, were inadequate for God. Simply, sin could only be atoned for through the death of another not in the sewing together of some fig leaves. Although Scripture is silent about the event, in all likelihood, both Adam and Eve watched the LORD GOD take the life of another animal (in this case a lamb) and take the skin of that animal to provide for them clothing. Again, theologians refer to this as a type. It is the antecedent of what was to come--Jesus, the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world. In other words, God atoned for their sin. The offended took steps to love and forgive those who created the offense--can you imagine the looks on their faces when they saw this new side of God's glory? Second, this would be the foundation upon which Adam and Eve were to build their future lives together. We don't know how often they were to perform this ritual but we do know they told it to their first children, Cain and Abel and they probably performed it regularly (because we all know what people are like).

So then, the question is are you connected? If you are disconnected how do you get reconnected? Does the internet really connect us? That connection is false. It occurs through bits of data carried along a phone line or through a cable buried in the ground. It's electrical and part of the physics and chemistry of this natural world. It isn't true in that it is not ultimately satisfying. True and ultimate connectedness occurs with God, ourselves and with other human beings. God has provided a way to do that. That is the ultimate reason that I am writing this post. I share this because I believe these things to be true. I believe that I have connected with God through His only Son Jesus Christ. And if you are reading this post then He is also inviting you into that same connectedness. Don't hesitate. Really think about what is written here.

I don't think I understand all things very well. Very imperfectly definitely. But I do "get" this.

John Piper interviews Rick Warren

Not having come from a Baptist background (I was raised in Pentecostalism), my circle has expanded quite a bit. I found this interview on a link at the Gospel Coalition's website between Piper and Warren. It's long but it's very interesting. Piper and Warren are both heavyweights in the evangelical world.

Warren has come under a lot of criticism lately from evangelicals because of, I believe, his environmentalist stance and his continuing dialog with other religious groups. Hope that's not oversimplifying matters. Piper's purpose, of course is to clarify Warren's doctrinal positions. Both Warren and Piper are Baptists.

The Gospel Coalition website is a great resource. I recommend it as well.